Third Beat

Here’s a thought process being executed infront of computers throughout North America today:

“Hey, why’s Conan O’Brien trending on Twitter? Hmm, people are complaining a lot about Ticketmaster too today. Weird. Oh… OH SHIT.”

Yes, Conan’s much anticipated theatre tour was announced – and tickets put on sale – without any warning, making fans scramble to clear space on their credit cards. Those of us infront of our computers when word spread were rewarded with seats. Those who weren’t? Well… yeah, it doesn’t really seem fair, does it?

Second shows for the “Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television” tour were added in a few cities within 2 hours of the initial onsale, which should soften the blow for some. But expect a lot of complaining in the next few days from big fans who will be forced to pay big bucks to share breathing space with Coco, just because they weren’t in the right place at the right time.

Speaking of big bucks, tickets are NOT cheap to begin with. While floor seats at most theatres are topping out under $150, the prime seats are being packaged with perks for anywhere up to $700 (that includes a meet & greet).

The opener for the entire tour will be the utterly brilliant Reggie Watts.

Here are the dates thusfar:

Eugene, OR Hult Center For the Performing Arts April 12
Vancouver, BC Orpheum Theatre April 13
Spokane, WA INB Performing Arts Center April 16
Enoch, AB River Cree Resort & Casino April 17
Seattle, WA Marion Oliver McCaw Hall April 18
San Francisco, CA Nob Hill Masonic Center April 22
Universal City, CA Gibson Amphitheater April 24
San Diego, CA San Diego Civic Theatre April 29
Phoenix, AZ Dodge Theatre April 30
Las Vegas, NV The Pearl Concert Theatre – Palms Casino May 01
Reno, NV Grand Sierra Resort & Casino – Grand Theatre May 04
San Jose, CA San Jose State University Events Center May 05
Sacramento, CA Sacramento Memorial Auditorium May 06
Boulder, CO Mackey Auditorium May 09
Dallas, TX McFarlin Memorial Auditorium-SMU Campus May 13
Austin, TX Austin Music Hall May 14
Tulsa, OK Brady Theater May 15
Kansas City, MO Midland Theatre May 16
Minneapolis, MN Orpheum Theatre May 18
Chicago, IL Chicago Theatre May 19
Toronto, ON Massey Hall May 22
Atlantic City, NJ Borgata Spa & Resort – Event Center May 30
New York, NY Radio City Music Hall June 01
Boston, MA Wang Theater June 04
Uncasville, CT Mohegan Sun Arena June 06
Upper Darby, PA Tower Theatre June 07
Washington, DC Constitution Hall June 08
Manchester, TN Bonnaroo Music Festival June 11
Atlanta, GA Fox Theatre June 14

The Alternative Show is one of those “sure things” of the festival, and with its midnight start time typically ends up capping off my week in Montreal. All the comics have gotten to know each other and are slightly loopy from the lack of sleep, and the paying audience usually only fills the main level, leaving the balcony for us laminate-clad folks who just didn’t get enough of host Andy Kindler at the State of the Industry address.

It became clear off the top that Kindler has a following in Montreal, something certainly not lost on him.

“This is a very vocal crowd and I don’t enjoy that,” he said.

Reggie Watts & Jon Dore double up at Saturday night's Alternative Show

“Maybe I’m old school, but I found that very distracting,” Kindler said.

If slapstick is included in the Alternative Show does that mean it’s cool now? I sure hope so. Josh Fadem fell down, got tangled in the mic cord, split his pants, got stuck while taking his sweater off, fell down some more… and did manage to get some jokes out in the process. Hooray for physical comedy, and a secondary hooray for having a special mic brought out for him to screw around with instead of causing problems with the normal one (is it wrong of me to notice these things?)

Aubrey Plaza, who is new at all this from having to learn standup for her role in Funny People, had some good stuff about old people on the internet, and New York City being “the only city where I’m afraid of having trash blown into my mouth.” During the week many were hailing her fast progress, but as should be expected there’s some work to do on the presentation side. Her awkward/blase/depressed tone works, but we could do without all the “umms” and then breaking that character by giving us a relatively chipper thanks/goodbye at the end.

Matt Besser brought out his Jason Yellow character (the no-armed deaf and blind comic) from North America’s Best Comic, one of my favourites from that show the night before. It was weird enough to work well, although Besser seemed to have forgotten about one of his characters traits. His “braille” setlist was taped to his leg so he could read it with his bare foot, but he kept looking down at it instead. But I think everyone was laughing too hard to care, so let’s move on.

Nick Kroll’s initial “what’s uuuuup Montreal!” gangsta schtick was hilarious unto itself even before he promised his set was “goona be a lot more Goldblum-y than that.” I can’t wait to see his newly pitched show about a bilingual hat called Fedora the Explorer.

And while I’m at it, allow me to burn one of Matt Braunger’s best lines: “Wild boys! Wild boys! Sorry, I have Duran Tourettes”. Runner up: “Since you guys have 15 sex shops for every 1 sex shop in this town…”

Marc Maron began the final set of the night with a tale about himself, Kindler, and Eugene Mirman getting lost while driving to a Target in the outskirts of Cincinatti — wherin we learn that he does a fantastic Kindler impression.

Maron moved onto a chunk very close to my heart, about his experience in Winnipeg a few months ago. “What the fuck is this? how many times can someone show me the windiest corner in North America?… I fought the urge to go up to people and say ‘you can just GO. Get on a bus or a plane or a train and just GO someplace where there’s coffee shops and black people…’” (I’m a former Winnipegger and did finally realize a few years ago that I could indeed just GO.)

He closed with a story about what must be the craziest woman he’s ever met on the road (I hope), who wanted him to help deliver a letter to the Governor at 1:30am because he’d saved her from Mormons. Or something like that. The crowd loved Marc, cementing my suspicion that everyone who loves Andy also loves him. A great way to bookend the evening.

First order of business: John Cleese is not dying. Yes, he had to cancel his Gala appearance last night due to prostatitis. But he’s not on death’s door — I saw him saunter through the exit of the Hyatt this morning, looking a little tired (stressed?) but otherwise in one piece. So Pythonheads and gala ticketholders, don’t panic. Based on my non-professional medical assessment from glancing at him as he walked by me, he’ll be ready for the rescheduled gala on Sunday night. More info on that here: http://www.montrealgazette.com/health/Replacement+show+John+Cleese/1818295/story.html

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Other shows from last night that I want to give mention to: The Hills, Chris Gethard’s Magic Box of Stories, and Marc Maron’s Scorching The Earth.

The Hills: A Staged Reading is exactly what it sounds like. A lineup of Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre performers (Aubrey Plaza, Lennon Parham, Tami Sagher, Reggie Watts, Andy Daly, Riki Lindhome and Kate Micucci) held simple black binders, stepping forward to deliver the insipid dialogue in the most serious of tones. This simple formula is a product of UCBT-LA, and the results are incredibly pleasing. Reggie Watts in particular made a hilarious Brody (just picture it) and Aubrey Plaza was a better Lauren Conrad than Lauren herself.

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The Hills was paired with Chris Gethard’s Magic Box of Stories, which I was thrilled to see after hearing so much about it. Audience members were selected to pull index cards from a box, which would dictate which absolutely true story Gethard would tell. On this night: tales about being a wrestling manager named White Pimp, being on assignment for Weird New Jersey magazine, and going through a herpes scare. What makes the show truly great are the video clips of his mother commenting on each story via videotape. She approves of virtually nothing he’s done, and her reactions are priceless. If my schedule allowed it, I’d attend his Saturday matinee of the show as well, as the content is guaranteed to be different.

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I’ve been anxious to see Marc Maron for ages, and after a few near misses I was thrilled to see him on the schedule for JFL. Myself and an oddly sparse crowd (4 people total within the first 4 rows, though it filled out in back) were treated to a very dark and funny show centring around his two past marriages.

“There’s a blurb you don’t see in theatre posters – ‘Draining! 5 stars!’” he joked partway through.

Indeed, it’s a little heavy. But it’s funny, and his complete acknowledgment of his own behavior and mistakes makes it comfortable to take the ride with him. We know that despite his claims otherwise, he wouldn’t be so self-aware if he were as much of an asshole as the stories illustrate.

“I don’t know how many times I can stick my dick into a hurricane and expect different results,” he said.

What he shares seems less like his truth, and more like the truth about the destruction of his relationships. At times, it’s almost as if he’s witnessed all this from afar, or is talking about a whole other person. He never mentions being in therapy, but it’s hard to imagine anyone becoming this enlightened on their own. Chalk this one up as a “must see”.